"Man-spressions"

Acceptable:

1. Bro: Term used in reference to, or greeting of another man...who is your friend (Fun fact, is also Swedish for Bridge)

2. Dude: See Bro (Though originally used to denote an ill-bred and ignorant, but ostentatious, man from the city)


To be Avoided:

1. Bra: Pauly Shore inspired version of "Bro"

2. Man Card: An imaginary card that men supposedly carry harkening back to the day's of clubs and groups who's members carried cards. (This was a great expression for a very long time, however it has since "Jumped the Shark" and thus now falls into the to be avoided category due to over saturaion)

3. Douche/Douche Bag: Even as I type this I have a small smile on my face. At one time I honestly believed that "douche" was the single funniest word in the english language...even though it's a French word that means "to shower." Again however, due to over saturation it's just a sad sad silly little word.



Never to be Used:

1. Metrosexual: A term invented by marketers to deal with men who care about appearance and grooming (it's not a new fad losers)

2. Manscaping: The act of grooming of male body hair (everyone should do this, we just don't need to talk about it, and we definately don't need a special new expression, it's hair, you trim it, shave it, or both)

3. Anything Frenchy french: "Je ne sais quois" as an example, you don't sound worldy, cool, or more artsy, you sound like try-hard and no one is impressed.

Been a while

Ok, I know it's getting warmer, Summer is peering it's glorious head around the corner, but guess what...IT'S NOT HERE YET. I commend some people for their ability to do as they please but honestly, if I can see goosebumps all over you I know you're cold. Put away your shorts and t-shirt for another month...maybe two. I've happily put my winter jackets away hopefully until next winter, but I'm still wearing pants and grabbing a sweater when I go out...

Thanks for reading.

Some Useful Information

I want to pass along a couple formulas today. I stumbled across this and thought I would pass it along. We've all been there, people over, need to order pizza. How many pizza's do I order?

First you need to consider the croud. All guys? Use the golden formula 3p/8...ALGEBRA IN A BLOG!!! I know, settle down, I'll walk you through it. 3 is the typical number of slices the average guy will eat. p=PEOPLE, simple right. now as you recall a number and a letter side by side in algebra is a multiplication question. 12 people over? 3x12=36. Ok and we all know that / is as divison sign? so 36/8=4.5 Round up to the nearest whole number and we discover that you need 5 pizza's when 12 man are gathered.

What about if your gathering includes women and children. This is a much simpiler formula p/4. Total number of people divided by 4 equals pizza's to order. Again round up to the nearest whole number. I had this as a modified man formula but my wife pointed out that 2p/8 is the same as just p/4 so why get complicated.

The final formula. This is from my day's building and running a Pizza shop in my late teens and early 20's. Pizza dough is weighed out to make the various sizes. Small is typically 10oz, medium 15 oz, and large 20oz. With that information, if you felt so inclined you could take the undounded numbers into account and order accordingly...but seriously left over pizza is amazing why bother? Just stay away from pepperoni and other sausage...that crap will KILL you.

Thanks for reading

Bucket Lists

I recently read a very interesting artical entitled "75 Things a Man Should do before he Dies." I most certainly didn't agree with everything, but it did get me thinking. What do I really want to do on this planet before my time comes? Beyond that, what is my legacy? For whatever the reason it actually made me ponder my own death and funeral, who will give my eulogy? Even more frightening, what will they say?

The last year has been a real time of self examination for me, is it becoming a father in last 10 Years? My looming 30th birthday? I really don't know, but what I do know is that I want to launch into my 30's as purposeful as possible, driven and passionate about everything I do. With that in mind I've decided to take the next while and really work. I'm going to have a couple of my friends write a eulogy for me to see how people actually view me so I can compare it to how I see myself. Change, improve, work on faults, grow my strengh, and when that is done I plan to write my own "75 Things shagen Should do Before he Die's." Maybe I'll challenge my wonderful wife to do her own list, another thing we can do together.

Thanks for Reading

Obligitory Olympic Post

With the 2010 games apon us I think I should have something to say. They're here, deal with it. Should we have been forced by our elected officials to throw a multi billion dollar party for the world? NO CHANCE. But it's too late so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Honestly I have always been a big fan of the Winter Olympics, maybe growing up in BC had something to do with that. I remember it bringing my family closer together, as we huddled around the tv during 1994 Lillihammer games and were stoked to watch Jean-Luc Brassard win the Gold in Moguls (I LOVE MOGUL!!!) or watching the figure skating, something I only enjoy every 4 years, but there is something about watching athlete's compete at such a high level in sports I don't pay any attention to the rest of the year that is just fantastic.

My opinion is simple. They're here, they are happening, get out, enjoy the spectacle, encourage as many people as you can to do the same because the bigger the successful of these games the less they'll cost you and I down the road.

Thank's for reading

Carona and Umbrella Rules

A few years ago my buddy and I came up with "Carona Rules" This is a term used to discribe the drinking of certain beverages and still maintaing ones man card. Man card, frick that'll demand it's own entry. Anyways back to Corona rules. It's quite simple, some beers, and other beverages are less then manly. So we decided to come up with appropriate times to drink Corona and other such beverages.

Corona, Bud Light Lime, Foofie's (a name invented to discribe fruit based bottled drinks) ect. are to be consumed only when all of the following criteria are met.

1. Outside temperature exceeds 27 degrees Celcius
2. You are in the presence of a body of water you can and would actually swim in, or post sporting event that you actually played in, or after a hard day of physical labour. You've earned it, drink what you want.
3. Themed parties where the beverage in question is appropriate ie. Carona at a Mexician Fiesta party

Umbrella Drinks (This includes Margarita's)

1. You are on vacation
2. Outside temperature exceeds 27 degrees Celcius
3. You are in the presence of a body of water you can and would actually swim in
4. Themed parties where the beverage in question is appropriate

As you can see, the rule's are basically identical with the addition of being on vacation to umbrella drinks but also the exclusion of post sports or after work.

As always the rules do not apply to women who are free to do as they please. In fact you don't have to follow these rules as men...but do so at your own peril.

Thanks for reading

At the Movie's

So my wife and I decided hey, since V-day is sorta sappy and silly anyways, let's go to Valentines Day the movie on...Valentines Day. Honestly I'm glad we did.
Supprisingly it wasn't a horrible movie...100% sappy and predictable yes, but not horrible. More importantly however the flick itself was a fantastic story that I now get to tell about the couple standing in the candy line behind me (candy not popcorn)

We were as usual, late...it's what we do ask anyone who know's us, my wife and I are incapable of being exactly on time for anything. So after we had gotten tickets, my wife went and got seats and left the treats to me. THis is wehre the fun happened. There was a middle aged couple behind me in the line up chatting non stop about many many many useless and often incorrect facts...correction, the husband was talking, the wife was sort of just "ya, ya, yaing" him. I was ignoring it because in line front of me a middle aged single man was hitting on middle aged single woman who were both in line and at the movie's with their kids. Needless to say it was cute and pathetic all rolled into one.

Between these two croups of people I have to admit I was quite entertained. So behind me I hear the husband make a fantastic comment, "Honey if I wore a camo hat and hunging jacket on our first date would I have gotten a second one." I looked around and sure enough I saw the redneck he was discribing...more entertainment, it was a GREAT night for spotting interesting people. Without skipping a beat his wife, finally using a full sentance responded, "Of course honey, I'm in public with you and you're wearing those stupid track pants."

Thanks for reading