A Wonderful End to a Beautiful Life

My son was born six weeks ago. He came into the world in a mostly usual way, the only complication being that he steadfastly refused to leave his mother. 29 hours later and with the help of induction however we welcomed our beautiful boy Brady Evan into the world. This event is significant, not just in that a child was born, which is always a miracle, but because we were able to celebrate his birth with my Grandmother, or Gramma as we call her.

You see three years ago we were told she had liver cancer. They specific type of cancer I won't bore you with, because honestly I couldn't type it anyways, but what I will say is this, it's fast moving and very aggressive. A friend of mine was diagnosed four years ago in March of 2008 and passed away four months later. Needless to say, I didn't expect to have my Gramma around very much longer. But that's the blessing of old age, when you're in your twenties like my friend Jamie things move fast, your metabolism is flying, and Jamie passed away very quickly, Gramma however kept going, and going, and going. Not only did she keep on living, she kept on living.

Gramma loved the stage and show business more then anything else, she didn't simple tell you a story she performed it. If there was a crowd there was a performance, I remember at a Christmas eve party a couple of years ago she performed her version of Lucy Ball's Vita-Vita-Vegamin skit for all our friends and family...with a full drink in her hand. Needless to say because I'm sure you can imagine it, by the end of this performance everyone and everything in the room was covered in her drink.

That aside isn't the point, it just helps paint a picture of the wonderful woman my Gramma was. Back to her living. For much of the last 10 years Gramma performed with a seniors variety show, her speciality being comedy...obviously. And what you ask, did she do when she was diagnosed with the disease that would ultimately be what took her life? She performed, she dance, she sang, she acted, she LOVED.

It would have been the easiest thing in the world for her to lay down, to quit, accept her fate and quietly and meekly go into her grave. I thank God that that wasn't my Gramma. The show must go on and what a show it was. Of course, she would spend more time in hospital as things progressed over these last three years, and I don't think I need to be said, but she had her low moments. But it was the highs that are what makes her story so beautiful. About a year ago she was in hospital, I was working way too much and hadn't had a chance to make it over for a visit. Finally it worked, so my wife, daughter and I loaded up in the car and drove to the hospital, we go there and who did we find? No one. She was discharged they told us, so we went to her house where found...no one. I called her friends thinking maybe they had taken her grocery shopping but no one had taken her. I hung up the phone and stood perplexed for about three milli-seconds when I knew exactly where I would find her.

We loaded back up into the car and drove to the seniors center where her group had their performances. I walked in expecting to find her in the audience and planning to give her trouble for going to a show the day she was let out of the hospital when she should be resting at home. I never had the opportunity, because she wasn't in the audience, she was on the stage, performing. You see, the show must go on.

Fast forward to October of this year. Gramma's cancer had spread and was growing, the Doctors informed us, informed her that she probably had about six months to live. Again, she didn't quit, practice was Fridays, and she refused to miss we would schedule our visits around her practice schedule. Her spirts remained high, chin raised. I remember her saying, “For someone who's suppose to be dying I'm doing a hell of a job at it.” This was sometime after Christmas, she had lasted over three months at that point and her condition and health hadn't deteriorated much at all. A month ago when my son was born she was able to come over, hold her new Grandson, and he got to meet his GG. Her condition stayed this way up until a week ago, she woke up in pain and had to go to the hospital. I spent that evening with her at the hospital and held her hand as they tried to get her pain under control. With a couple of days her pain was under control and she was planning on going dancing.

I wish I could say that she made it to that dance, but if she had I wouldn't be writing this, and I don't know that her end would have been as wonderful as it was. Gramma didn't want to end up stuck in some hospice room waiting for the end. She wanted quality of life not quantity. She slipped into a coma on Wednesday, but not without managing to tell the people in the room that she loved them. With her family and friends with her she slept. Gradually people started going home, an all day vidual is a lot of work, and honestly, some peace and quiet was probably nice for Gramma. I walked my wife and kids to the car and then went back to be there for a little longer. When I walked in my Mom and Cousin were crying. Thinking the end had came I asked, “did she go?” They replied, “no, but we told her we're ok, and that she can.” I'm sorry if this offends you, but I burst out laughing, unable to contain myself I laughed. When they asked what's so funny, I told my mom and cousin, “you are, thinking she's going to listen to you now when she never listened before.” And with that sentence we all laughed, it was as simple truth, she would go when she was ready not when we told her to.

Gramma hung on for that evening and for the whole of Thursday. Friday morning as I lay in bed in that place between awake and asleep my phone rang, I ran out of the room and was told that she had passed away peacefully in her sleep during the night. She went on her own terms, in her own time.

I called this, A Wonderful End To a Beautiful Life and I hope I made it clear what I mean by that title. Obviously there is nothing wonderful about cancer, it is an ugly disease that I wish none of us ever had to go through. I also wish that her life didn't have to end, but if it had to I think it's wonderful that this amazing woman went after making sure we all know how much she loved us, that she got to meet all six of her great grand children, that she performed right up until the moment it was over. In short, it's wonderful that when she was staring death in the face, she didn't blink, and she didn't quit. My Gramma looked death in the face, told him to wait his turn, and she LIVED her last days, weeks, and years to the fullest.

I wish I could carry myself with that grace and dignity of my Gramma. Life is joy, love is a gift to be shared, and a show, well, every day is a show if you're living right.