A Wonderful End to a Beautiful Life

My son was born six weeks ago. He came into the world in a mostly usual way, the only complication being that he steadfastly refused to leave his mother. 29 hours later and with the help of induction however we welcomed our beautiful boy Brady Evan into the world. This event is significant, not just in that a child was born, which is always a miracle, but because we were able to celebrate his birth with my Grandmother, or Gramma as we call her.

You see three years ago we were told she had liver cancer. They specific type of cancer I won't bore you with, because honestly I couldn't type it anyways, but what I will say is this, it's fast moving and very aggressive. A friend of mine was diagnosed four years ago in March of 2008 and passed away four months later. Needless to say, I didn't expect to have my Gramma around very much longer. But that's the blessing of old age, when you're in your twenties like my friend Jamie things move fast, your metabolism is flying, and Jamie passed away very quickly, Gramma however kept going, and going, and going. Not only did she keep on living, she kept on living.

Gramma loved the stage and show business more then anything else, she didn't simple tell you a story she performed it. If there was a crowd there was a performance, I remember at a Christmas eve party a couple of years ago she performed her version of Lucy Ball's Vita-Vita-Vegamin skit for all our friends and family...with a full drink in her hand. Needless to say because I'm sure you can imagine it, by the end of this performance everyone and everything in the room was covered in her drink.

That aside isn't the point, it just helps paint a picture of the wonderful woman my Gramma was. Back to her living. For much of the last 10 years Gramma performed with a seniors variety show, her speciality being comedy...obviously. And what you ask, did she do when she was diagnosed with the disease that would ultimately be what took her life? She performed, she dance, she sang, she acted, she LOVED.

It would have been the easiest thing in the world for her to lay down, to quit, accept her fate and quietly and meekly go into her grave. I thank God that that wasn't my Gramma. The show must go on and what a show it was. Of course, she would spend more time in hospital as things progressed over these last three years, and I don't think I need to be said, but she had her low moments. But it was the highs that are what makes her story so beautiful. About a year ago she was in hospital, I was working way too much and hadn't had a chance to make it over for a visit. Finally it worked, so my wife, daughter and I loaded up in the car and drove to the hospital, we go there and who did we find? No one. She was discharged they told us, so we went to her house where found...no one. I called her friends thinking maybe they had taken her grocery shopping but no one had taken her. I hung up the phone and stood perplexed for about three milli-seconds when I knew exactly where I would find her.

We loaded back up into the car and drove to the seniors center where her group had their performances. I walked in expecting to find her in the audience and planning to give her trouble for going to a show the day she was let out of the hospital when she should be resting at home. I never had the opportunity, because she wasn't in the audience, she was on the stage, performing. You see, the show must go on.

Fast forward to October of this year. Gramma's cancer had spread and was growing, the Doctors informed us, informed her that she probably had about six months to live. Again, she didn't quit, practice was Fridays, and she refused to miss we would schedule our visits around her practice schedule. Her spirts remained high, chin raised. I remember her saying, “For someone who's suppose to be dying I'm doing a hell of a job at it.” This was sometime after Christmas, she had lasted over three months at that point and her condition and health hadn't deteriorated much at all. A month ago when my son was born she was able to come over, hold her new Grandson, and he got to meet his GG. Her condition stayed this way up until a week ago, she woke up in pain and had to go to the hospital. I spent that evening with her at the hospital and held her hand as they tried to get her pain under control. With a couple of days her pain was under control and she was planning on going dancing.

I wish I could say that she made it to that dance, but if she had I wouldn't be writing this, and I don't know that her end would have been as wonderful as it was. Gramma didn't want to end up stuck in some hospice room waiting for the end. She wanted quality of life not quantity. She slipped into a coma on Wednesday, but not without managing to tell the people in the room that she loved them. With her family and friends with her she slept. Gradually people started going home, an all day vidual is a lot of work, and honestly, some peace and quiet was probably nice for Gramma. I walked my wife and kids to the car and then went back to be there for a little longer. When I walked in my Mom and Cousin were crying. Thinking the end had came I asked, “did she go?” They replied, “no, but we told her we're ok, and that she can.” I'm sorry if this offends you, but I burst out laughing, unable to contain myself I laughed. When they asked what's so funny, I told my mom and cousin, “you are, thinking she's going to listen to you now when she never listened before.” And with that sentence we all laughed, it was as simple truth, she would go when she was ready not when we told her to.

Gramma hung on for that evening and for the whole of Thursday. Friday morning as I lay in bed in that place between awake and asleep my phone rang, I ran out of the room and was told that she had passed away peacefully in her sleep during the night. She went on her own terms, in her own time.

I called this, A Wonderful End To a Beautiful Life and I hope I made it clear what I mean by that title. Obviously there is nothing wonderful about cancer, it is an ugly disease that I wish none of us ever had to go through. I also wish that her life didn't have to end, but if it had to I think it's wonderful that this amazing woman went after making sure we all know how much she loved us, that she got to meet all six of her great grand children, that she performed right up until the moment it was over. In short, it's wonderful that when she was staring death in the face, she didn't blink, and she didn't quit. My Gramma looked death in the face, told him to wait his turn, and she LIVED her last days, weeks, and years to the fullest.

I wish I could carry myself with that grace and dignity of my Gramma. Life is joy, love is a gift to be shared, and a show, well, every day is a show if you're living right.

Where I've Been

So I was recently asked where I've been, why haven't I been writing? Well, let me tell you: I have been, I just haven't been blogging. I could happily share my geography paper, or my the investment report I recently drew up on the Yamaha Corporation, but honestly I don't think you are interested in reading that sort of thing...plus they are both over 20 pages of dry dry dry data...actually I wrote a social geography piece on women and sports that might be interesting, but it's a co-authored paper so I don't really have the right to post it.

I've also been writing other pieces. In the last month I've written an obituary for my Grandmother, and her eulogy. I have also written a eulogy for my friends Dad who passed away. I will be delivering that tomorrow along with being the MC for the memorial and giving another message of my choosing. So, I've been writing, but nothing that makes sense on my blog. I suppose I could post the essay I wrote about my Gram...ok, I'll post it.

Three Things I Think are Stupid

1. Promise Rings. Really? So you're getting engaged to be engaged? Why not a promise promise ringe? Or a promise promise promise ring. Waste of money, waste of sentiment, waste of time.

2. Politics. Not just in terms of government but in terms of life. Why pander? Just stand by your convictions. If something is right it's right all the time, people really need to grow up and get over politics.

3. Reality TV. It's not real, why are you calling it reality? Look show's like Survivor started out with potential, let's put some people in an unreal situation and have them compete for a prize. I can live with show's like this, I don't watch them but I can live with them, it's like sports for people who don't like sports...but Keeping up with the Kardashians...please, get a life, get off my tv, why are you famous?

I should be tweeting this but...

Does anyone ever crave soup? In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, it's a bowl of wet food.

Dinner Post

I haven't posted one of my culinary creations in a while, so here we go.

I was talking to a friend about her "Spanish Rice" and I thought hey, I feel like something "Spanish." So, taking my knowledge of cooking I decided to do a rice with a sofrito base and grill some chicken. Here we go, this was the perfect amount of food for 2 adults and a hungry 2 year old.

Sofrito:
1 onion
1 green pepper
1 tomato
1/2 red pepper
diced

1/2 head of garlic
minced

Combine all in a large bowl and set aside.

Take about 1/8 of the mixture and place it in a blender with a small bunch of parsley, a large splash of red wine vinegar, smaller splash of lemon juice, and some olive oil. Add cumin, paprika, chili powder, salt and pepper to taste and puree. Marinade 2 chicken breasts in this mix for at least an hour.

In a pot, sweat the rest of the sofrito mix, add the same spices from above to taste (don't be shy). Add 3/4c brown rice, stir to coat. Pour in water and bring to a boil. When pot boils turn the heat to low, stir once, put on a lid and walk away for 45 minutes. (DON'T TOUCH IT AT ALL, NO PEEKING, NO STIRRING)

45 minutes later
Grill your chicken, slice, and serve over the rice in a bowl.

OMNOMNOM

Take the

Happy Tuesday

Ok here it is, I've never come right out and said it but I suppose those of you who 'know' me have suspected it. I'm just not a happy guy. There I said it, what a load off. This chain of thought was disrupted by a random text message grr...oh ya, so basically the world and the people in it really just bum me out. People are stupid and excitiable, selfish and lazy. Honestly it's really quite frustrating. So, in order to cope I turned myself into more of a product then a person. This is an interesting statement in our current "Brand Yourself" culture. So let's look at the brand of me, Sal G (Shouting About Life Guy).

Sal G is the guy you call when you need a favor, he'll almost always say yes and bail you out and do something. Sal G has no problems ever in his life, this statement isn't true but as far as you know it is because Sal G has learned that the people around him probably don't really care about his problems, his job is to solve theirs. Sal G rely's on no one, but, allows anyone who needs him to to rely on him. Usually this is not an issue for Sal, but lately it really really is.

I've come to a place in my 31 years where I realize that I can't be a product, I need to be a person...I just really don't know how. I had a very awkward situation on Sunday, a 'friend' offered me condolences on the passing of Addie...I had no idea how to respond. I'm not use to being Shawn, I'm use to being Sal, Sal doesn't need condolences because life is never about Sal. The look in the persons eyes as I stammered out a response spoke volumes...I'm bad at being a real person...but I'm working on it.

Good bye Addie; love you, miss you

I was going to take some time and write this out all perfect like, but honestly I just think I need to get it out and get it gone, so please forgive me as a ramble. Friday my dog died. Blunt, simple, honest, she was young, and her heart gave out for no reason, vet said there was absolutely nothing we could have done. More on the details of the event to follow, I'm more interested right now in talking about how this amazing little ball of fur touched my life.

Back in 2007 wifey and I were ready to add to our family but we weren't ready to have kids. We both love dogs and decided that was the natural next move. My Uncle is a breeder of English Springer Spaniels and has always said I can have a dog whenever I want one, so plans were made and we counted the days (not unlike having a kid.)

On October 7th we got a call that the puppies had been born, and that there was one dog in particular who was perfect for me, so perfect in fact that she was given the name "Shawn's Dog." Two weeks later wifey and I made the 5 hour road trip to my uncles house to meet the dog's and pick out our dog. "Shawn's Dog" had been given a secret name so that our (my) choice wouldn't be influenced. We got there and played with the dogs, they were all amazing, but there was one dog who just stood out, she was the runt of the litter, fast, smart, and ran the show. It was love at first sight. I bonded with that puppy that day and made my choice, this would be "Shawn's Dog" whether or not she was the first dog to be given that name. I found out after telling him that She was the dog I wanted, that "Tiny" was actually "Shawn's Dog."

It was four more weeks before "Shawn's Dog" came home. I was home from work that day so I had an entire day with her to myself. We tried out names, but nothing seemed to stick, Charlie, Cali, Cachia (wifey is crazy sometimes), finally we settled on Addie, based on a character called the bone woman from a book I was reading at the time.

Addie was amazing, curious, funny, adventurous, loyal, and just so loving. It's hard to put into words, everyone say's they have the best dog in the world but there was just something about Addie's personality, everyone loved her, anti dog people loved her (tolerated is probably more accurate but still). There is so much I can say about her life, but mostly, it was too short. She was never happier then when she was swimming or playing fetch, she woke me up every morning, usually by snuggling up really close, putting her nose in my face and sighing into my mouth until I woke up.

The weird thing this week has been going to the bathroom and not being followed by Addie, watching the news before work without her laying on my feet, and coming home and not having her greet me at the door. Because as I started this post with, Addie died on Friday, for those of you who don't do math well, Addie would have turned 4 in October. I really wan't to type out the details of Addie's last day with us, but I think she deserves more. Short form, she apparently had a heart defect that was undetected, after a couple of hours swimming her heart gave out. My dog died in my arms on the way to the vet, I used CPR, brought her back once, but she went again withing a few seconds. Addie was dead in my arms for 10-15 minutes before we reached the vet. I prayed and hoped but I knew it was too late, there was nothing to be done.

I took her the top of Sumas mountain and buried her with her favorite toys, collar, and a few other items that night...I also drank, a lot...Saturday we went back to the grave so Wifey and my little girl could see it and say good bye. We covered her with rocks and put her puppy collar on her grave. It's a weird experience, what do you say in a situation like this. Wifey said good bye, I said thank you, but it was the words of my daughter that were just perfect. When we prompted her to say good bye, my two year old daughter looked at the grave and said, "Good bye Addie; love you, miss you."

Nothing I could write will ever sum up my feelings better the those words spoken by a little girl 2 and a half years old. It's amazing how much a dog can mean to you, how complete they can make a family. Addie was without a doubt my best friend.